Stuff you should read

Can the foolishness stop now?

Posted on Tuesday 31 January 2006

To all of those so eager to defend the prophet’s honor by attacking Denmark, well, hold your horses. You won. Ok?

I called the whole thing retarded from the begining, and I warned of the consequences of the “continued outrage”, that culminated in attacks against churches in Iraq the other day. Sensing that they are dealing with crazy and violent retards, people inside of denmark started calling for someone, anyone, to give an apology to the muslim people , who apprently are so sensitive that they can not be offended without bombing something.

The Danish PM couldn’t give such an apology, because, and I quote :”The Danish government cannot apologize on behalf of a Danish newspaper. It does not work like that … and we have explained that to the Arab countries. Independent media are not edited by the government.”

This of course came as a great shock to the people calling for the apology, because, in our countries, our leader can order the public rape and execution of journalists over anything that he may not like. The concept of an autonomous and free press that is not regulated or controlled by the government is so strange and incomprehensible to our people that they immedietly thought that the man was lying to them or making excuses to cover up for his role in this conspiracy to belittle and attack the Prophet. It became clearly apparent that someone else needed to apologize, and indeed, many apologies were made.

First there was the apology posted by the Norwegian government to make sure that no one gets mad at them too. Then there was the apology that was sent by the editor of the newspaper to the people of Saudi arabia over the cartoons, then there was the open letter explanation/apology that was published in the newspaper, then there was the apology made by that same editor in public for offending muslims, and finally there was an official letter of apology by that newspaper , again, that was sent to the Jordanian news agency Petra, where the guy apologizes again.

Is that enough to calm you people down?

Well, hopefully it is for the majority of you, because it’s apparently not enough for the Iraqi terrorist group the Mujahedeen army. They just issued a statement saying that the apology or the boycott are not enough for the insult made against the prophet, and actually called for terrorist attacks against danish and norwegian targets to avenge his honor.

“Boycotting cheese and dairy products alone is a flimsy stance that fits a weak nation that cannot defend its prophet … They started this and they have to shoulder the responsibilities,” said the statement attributed to the Mujahideen Army.

It called on its fighters to “hit whatever targets possible belonging to these two countries and other (countries) that follow their steps.”

Great. Fantastic. Hope all y’all “defenders of the faith” are FUCKIN happy. And don’t tell me that you didn’t see that one coming. This is what always freakin happens. This is what happens when you create outrage, and use big words that you barely understand like “defending our prophets honor”. And now you have proven to the whole world what the people who attack you have always said : that you are just a little crazy, that you resort to violence the moment anything or anyone offends you, that you can not handle criticisms without issuing death threats. Thanks to your own actions and voiced sentiments we appear to be uncivilized, short-fused, intolerant and bloodthirsty. And the sad thing is, you can’t claim it’s the media distoring our image anymore. All that they would need to disprove that excuse now is to issue a cartoon, and the next thing you know you will go unhinged again. You know why? Beause YOU ARE FUCKIN RETARDED!

Fuckin Morons!

The Sandmonkey @ 8:12 am
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Iran and the Holocaust, again

Posted on Tuesday 31 January 2006

Iran wants to invite Blair to its Holocaust conference so that he could defend the myth that the “Holocaust really happend”. No, really.

“It would be good for Mr. Blair to participate in the Holocaust seminar in Tehran,” foreign ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi told reporters.

“He can also contribute with an article. If he wants to defend the Holocaust in that article, he can do so. We will give him the time to read out his article so others can hear his point of view,” Asefi said Sunday, adding the conference was slated for “the coming spring”.

Blair, the israeli zionist agent who knows that the Holocaust didn’t happen, of course chickend out on the offer.

On Monday, Blair lashed out at the planned meeting as “shocking, ridiculous, stupid,” and said Ahmadinejad “should come and see the evidence of the Holocaust himself in the countries of Europe”.

Resorting to name calling, huh Blair? Afraid to be exposed as the zionist agent that you are? Well, the iranians are not scared, and the courageous A.J. took him up on his challenge.

“In Mr. Blair’s speech there was an invitation for the Iranian president to go there and see the places close up. We have to see when the president has time for it,” Asefi said.

Iran’s foreign ministry has already said was willing to send a team of “independent investigators” to visit former Nazi deaths camps across Europe.

Yes, I am sure they can bring down the number of Jews killed by at least 2 – 3 millions, because 6 million jews killed is a tragedy, but 3 million jews? Ehh, that’s in the acceptable range.

The onion seems to have the Conference’s schedule. Check it out.

The Sandmonkey @ 5:31 am
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We support Cindy Sheehan for US Senate

Posted on Tuesday 31 January 2006

Cindy wants to run for senate against Diane Feinstin for not being anti-Bush enough. I say about damn time Cindy ran for Office. Don’t ask about qualifications or anything, atually , shame on you if you do. Don’t you know that her son died in Iraq and she is still grieving? Not to mention, she might kick Diane Feinstin out, and that I do support.

Go here and show your Support to Cindy.

The Sandmonkey @ 5:26 am
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Tom cruise up for worst actor award

Posted on Tuesday 31 January 2006

Finally, someone recognized this man’s efforts. Go Tom!

The Sandmonkey @ 5:21 am
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The retardedness continues

Posted on Monday 30 January 2006

Yesterday asked the people who were calling for a Denmark boycott to stop being retarded. They apparently did not receive that memo. Evidence of continued retardedness? Well, where should I begin?

First, the Saudis called back their ambassador and its Islamic World Association called on UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan to take firm measures against institutions, media and individuals who “insult the messages of God and the prophets”.

The Libyans, not to be outdone in the retarded department, shut down their entire embassy in Denmark and stated that “other measures will be taken” without elaborating.

The Palestinians in their turn threatened Danes in the area and told them to leave immediately, and then engaged in their favorite past-time of flag burning by, you guessed it, burning the danish flag. To be the owner of a flag factory in the West Bank. Now that’s money.

And last but not least Iraq. You know those bombs that attacked christian sites the other day in Baghdad? Well, according to Elaph, the Iraqi police believe they were carried out in protest against those danish cartoons.

Great Job nimrods. I am sure the Prophet is very pleased by your defense of his name and honor.

Fuckin Retards!

Update: Given to what I’ve read here of arabs cheering on a forums the alleged news that the cartoonist who drew the cartoon was found dead next to his newspaper with his body torched (h/t roba), the calls for a UN resolution, backing possible sanctions , to protect religions by the Arab League and the OIC and what my co-wrokers have told me when I told them about the bombings in Iraq (“good, that will teach them not to mess with muslims again!”) , I have concluded that the retardedness is more prelevant and ingrained then I so previously thought. In light of all of these events, I see that I am left no choice but to to join forces with BP and Jameed and encourage people to Buy Danish.

Cause the retardedness has got to stop!

The Sandmonkey @ 12:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
No laughing matter

Posted on Monday 30 January 2006

After committing the incredibly stupid thing of voting Hamas into power, the palestinians seem to be going “Uh-oh” about the whole thing. Realizing that there ain’t nothing they can do now about what they did, they aare taking a page out of the Egyptian passivism book and are making nervous jokes about the whole thing.

A slew of jokes circulating among Palestinians following Hamas’ landslide election victory reflects concerns that the fundamentalist group will impose Islamic law and social codes across the West Bank and Gaza.

As one goes, all police stations in the West Bank and Gaza Strip have been ordered shut because all complaints must now be filed directly to God.

Invoking God and Islamic tradition is the mainstay of all the quips that have been spreading by word of mouth and mobile phone text messages in the past few days.

There are good reasons for that…

Hamas officials rushed to deny that they will force their beliefs on Palestinians.

“Rest assured we don’t impose our thoughts on anyone,” Hamas leader Khaled Maashal said Saturday in the Syrian capital, Damascus. “We will present our thoughts to our people and they have the right to choose.”

Many Palestinians were not reassured.

One newly elected legislator has said she plans to submit a bill requiring girls and women to wear the hijab, a headdress covering the hair.

Ok, so enough about the depressing stuff. Want more jokes?

Mobile phones are abuzz with text messaged jokes prophesying a new police uniform mirroring the short dress and baggy pants worn by the former hardline Taliban rulers of Afghanistan, and a discount on taxes for Christians who convert to Islam within a week.


It’s not all bad though in my opinion. I mean, for the palestinians it is, but not for the rest of us. This will give people a chance to see how a Muslim Brotherhood government will be like once it’s in power. It shall give the rest of us a “taste for what’s to come” so to speak.

I can’t wait!

The Sandmonkey @ 12:28 am
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Nadz vs. Soumaya Ghannoushi

Posted on Monday 30 January 2006

This is no Catfight. This is Nadz tearing Soumaya a new crapshoot! It’s so painful, yet so sweet to watch.

The Sandmonkey @ 12:21 am
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You know you have a sweet job when..

Posted on Monday 30 January 2006 take a 2 week vacation, end up taking a month, and when you come back you find out that you are not fired, they didn’t deduct anything from your pay, but actually gave you a 25% raise.

Maybe I should’ve been gone for 2 months?

The Sandmonkey @ 12:18 am
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You know you are a crackhead when…

Posted on Monday 30 January 2006

You take your Ipod to work and you leave your cellphone at home, because you mixed them up.

I need to ask my mother if she was smoking something when she was pregnant with me, because, like…damn!

The Sandmonkey @ 12:16 am
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Galloway under fire

Posted on Monday 30 January 2006

Finally, the british have booed Galloway in public. It can’t be because he went on Big Brother, where he pretended to be a cat and lapped imaginary milk from a bowl and…no, wait, that did do it.

The MP was initially unaware of the impact he had made when he emerged from the Big Brother house on Wednesday night after spending 21 days cut off from the outside world with a bunch of semi-celebrities under 24-hour scrutiny.

But a crowd of people gathered outside booed and jeered in a sign of what Galloway, 51, might come to expect following his eviction.

Confronted by several unflattering newspaper headlines about his Big Brother appearance by presenter Davina McCall, Galloway said with a faltering smile: “Oh dear, oh dear.”


Among the more memorable moments was when Galloway impersonated a cat lapping imaginary milk from the hands of actress Rula Lenska and performed a robotic dance in a tight, red leotard with transvestite Pete Burns.

His antics drew a scathing reaction from fellow lawmakers.

“I think when he next stands up in the House of Commons whenever he dares he is going to be absolutely ridiculed,” Alan Duncan, an MP for the main opposition Conservative Party, told BBC television’s Newsnight program.


The Sandmonkey @ 12:08 am
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A message to those who demand a Denmark boycott

Posted on Sunday 29 January 2006


Ok, now that I have got that out of the way, let me inform you the reason why I am giving out this message. I am guessing some background to the issue is necessary after all. Here is a very brief one:

A danish newspaper published 12 cartoons depicting Prophet Mohamed, which in turn pissed off the islamic community in Denmark and caused an outbreak of outrage against the printing of those cartoons, since it is forbidden to draw the prophet in any way. The arab governments, eager to appease the growing islamist undercurrent, decided to jump in on the action and demand an apology from the Danish government and some sort of punishment exacted against the newspaper over the cartoons. The Danish Prime minister naturally thought the delegation that met him was retarded, since Denmark is a country where there is Freedom of speech, and the Prime minister can not just reprimend people for printing a cartoon. This came as a shock to the delegation, who thought the PM of Denmark was going to throw the reproters and cartoonists in jail like they do in our countries, and only encoruaged the outrage apparently: Death threats have been made against the cartoonist of course, and calls to avenge the “honor of the prophet” started to pile up all over the world.

Now, the jordanian parliament just called for the punishment of the cartoonists who drew the cartoons, The International Union for Muslim Scholars threatend to call for a world-wide boycott of danish goods unless the Danish government “does something”, and apparently some people went ahead with the boycott anyway, drafting a website for it and providing a list of danish products that no allah-fearing-muslim should buy. This naturally sparked a debate between the egyptian bloggers: there are those who think that Islam and the prophet need us to defend them, those who think that boycotting danish goods is fairplay if they are offended and those- like me- who think the whole thing is freaking retarded. And since I am dealing with retards here, let me try to break my reasons down in simple sentences for them to understand. So bear with me, ok?

Ok, reasons why a boycott is retarded:

1) You are boycotting the wrong people: The people who published those cartoons work in a danish newspaper. They do not own danish factories, make danish cheese or toys, or any of those nifty products that they have on that list. In essence you are punishing everyone and everything danish because what one newspaper printed, and yet, you are not really punishing the newspaper. Not really. Unless they are exporting their newspaper to Egypt, which they are not, you have less than 0% of actually affecting them, hurting them or punishing them. In short, you are preventing yourself from eating some really good cheese for no reason at all. You want to hurt the people who did this? Sue the newspaper. Sue them everywhere, for any reason you like. That should affect them directly. This boycott won’t.

2) This will accomplish nothing, except getting more people pissed at muslims: Given that the ” we are outraged” movement has decided to go all out with their speeches, it was inevitable that some crazy hotheads decided to issue death threats against the newspaper and the cartoonists. Yes, cause nothing says we are peacefull tolerant people like death threats and boycotting a whole country. I’ve yet to see a single christian group get mad at the Rolling Stones for having Kanye West depicting Jesus on their cover, and you know why? because they understand that there is something called free speech and freedom of expression. That it’s not always pleasant. That some people will try to provoke a reaction out of you by offending you with something like this. And you know what? Muslims fall for it every single time and then the crazy bastards amongst them go all the way and do something stupid. Like the Van Gogh murder in 2004. Remember how good that made us look in Holland? What? You want to go through that whole thing again, and drag us with you for the ride? Thanks but no thanks moron. Our reputation is already bad as it is, and we don’t need anymore help sullying it.

3) The Prophet doesn’t need your defense: If you truly believe that the Mohamed is god’s prophet and that god exhalted him beyond all other prophets, then do you really think anything that anyone will say about him will make an ounce of difference? Will the sun rise from the west because someone said it does, or will it rise from the east regardless? Do you get my point here? Do you understand that cartoons depicting the prophet will not hurt him in any way, not will they harm his image? What is it you are afraid of? Someone looking at the cartoon depicting him and going “Ohh, that Mohamed fella really doesn’t look pleasant. He must suck as a person if a cartoon shows him with bombs on his head. There is no way I will convert to Islam now, and from this day forward I will fully support the bombing of its followers.”? What, cause cartoons hold so much power over people? Or are you afraid that muslims will look at those cartoons and go “Gee, our prophet doesn’t look good here. I am done with Islam. I am going to turn Hindu and worship a cow instead”? Or is it his reputation that you are afraid will get tarnished because oif that cartoon? That somehow, someone will make an uneducated and totally ignorant judgment on the prophet and the religion because of 12 cartoons in a newspaper? Well, if that’s the case, answer this question for me: What is more likely to tarnish the reputation of Islam: 12 cartoons in a newspaper, or calls for punishment and death threats to the people who penned those cartoons? Which damages our reputation more? Are you getting the point or do I need to draw it out for you?

So please, will all of you pious fuckheads who think you will score brownie points with God over your boycott stop being retarded? A danish boycott will do nothing, the same way the american products boycott did nothing, and any future boycott will do nothing. Grow up. Accept other people’s opinion even if they disagree with yours, the same way you want them to accept your opinions. And next time you see something that offends your muslim sensibilities, whether it’s a movie, a cartoon, or a piglet mug, do us all a favor and just look the other way. And if you are really mad, then take a xanax or count to 10 or something. Or even better, go get laid. Find a danish woman and sleep with her. Now that’s revenge.

Just whatever you do, don’t do something stupid, or encourage people to do something stupid, or use big words such as “demanding the Mohamed’s Ummah would rise up to defend his honor” when you don’t undertsand them or their consequences. And remember, prophets exhalted by God do not get tarnished by humans, nor do they need human defenders, especially ones that are as stupid as you.

Thank you, and have a pleasant evening,

The Sandmonkey

PS: Roba has historic islamic illustrations of the Prophet from different islamic cultures. Check them out, and don’t boycott her. No death threats either, ok?

The Sandmonkey @ 5:10 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
Hamas wins, the palestinians lose!

Posted on Sunday 29 January 2006

So the palestinian elections came and went, and Hamas won by a landslide. Fantastic. The palestinians have truly shot themselves in the foot this time. Given how the US and the majority of the european countries view Hamas as a terrorist organization- as they should- it’s not hard to imagine them cutting off all aid to the palestinian government completely. They chose their bed, so they might as well lie in it.

What’s interesting are all of those voices who claim that Hamas is going to get moderate once they are in power. That they will have to compromise and therefore the aid should not be cut. Those people are delusional of course, and are not listening to what Hamas’ leader has to say about this. But to give you the short and sweet version, it’s “Death to Israel, Death to the US, the armed struggle will continue till the last martyr, blah blah blah”. Strong words coming from a leader so courageous that has to reside in Syria to avoid getting killed. Inspiring, no?

I used to believe that the continuation of the peace process rested more on the upcoming israeli elections than the palestinian one, but now the whole thing is decided: There will be no peace process, since Hamas is not interested in peace. This could get even worse if Hamas did any attacks between now and the elections, because that may just give the Netenyaho Likud camp the kind of boost that they need to win this election. Talk about your nightmare scenario: Hamas vs. Netenyaho. The worst both sides have to offer. For a lack of better words, they are made for eachother. They have so much in common, that in an ideal world, they would be dating.

Oh well…

The Sandmonkey @ 2:41 am
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Find out how racist you are

Posted on Sunday 29 January 2006

The nice people at Harvard created this test that can measure how racist you are, and you can’t really lie to it. Up for a challenge or a journey of self-discovery? Take the test here.

The Sandmonkey @ 2:19 am
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The Sandmonkey blog is visually entertaining

Posted on Sunday 29 January 2006

Yes, I aim to entertain y’all with videos that are..well….entertaining. For example, if you are from the coveted 14-34 videogame movie demographic and would like to go see Bloodrayne because of superhottie terminator Krstianna Loken is rumored to have a sex scene in it, well, don’t even bother to go to the theathre and waste your money. I got you the sex scene right here, and it’s free. I just saved you 10 dollars. Who loves you baby?

But if you are looking for non-NSFW fun or are a female reader, well, I got you coverd as well: Here is a video showing “Inside the actor’s studio’s” James Lipton reciting the lyrics to Kevin Fedraline latest attempt at rapping, a.k.a. “Popozao” on Conan. In case you missed it, watch it here. It’s pretty damn funny!

The Sandmonkey @ 1:44 am
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Blame Harry Potter

Posted on Sunday 29 January 2006

Occult activities amongst american teens on the rise. Freaky!

The Sandmonkey @ 1:42 am
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Back in C-Town

Posted on Sunday 29 January 2006

So I am finally back in cairo, after spending a whole month in the USA meeting what could only be described as the best readers a guy could ask for. And then upon returning, I am greeted with the egyptian national team beating the Ivory coast’s team into submission in what only can be described as an awesome game of Football (It’s football, not soccer, America. Get used to it!). People’s spirits were high, lots of egyptian cuties painting the flag on their cheecks,egyptian flags are everywhere, and the celebrations on the streets didn’t stop yesterday for 3 houres after the game was over. You can sense we needed something to celebrate, you know?

It ain’t over though, and it won’t be till the Africa cup is ours!



The Sandmonkey @ 1:07 am
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New York tommorow

Posted on Wednesday 25 January 2006

I will be in town from 11 am till 3 pm. If anyone wants to meet me for lunch, e-mail me and I will call ya!

The Sandmonkey @ 5:46 pm
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Michael Jackson wears a burka in Bahrain

Posted on Wednesday 25 January 2006

When are people just gonna admit the simple truth that Michael Jackson is just plain crazy? The dude walks around Bahrain wearing a niqab, a burka, while shopping. Here is his picture.


Will someone, anyone, please put him in the looney bin already?


The Sandmonkey @ 2:43 pm
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Kanye West is Jesus

Posted on Wednesday 25 January 2006


How big of an ego can someone have really?

The Sandmonkey @ 2:41 pm
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Poor Alaa

Posted on Wednesday 25 January 2006

He comes back from his Africa trip to find that the egyptian state security agency wants him in for questioning. Bastards. This is why I am not telling anyone when I am coming back: I really don’t feel like having a welcoming committe at the airport, you know what I mean?

The Sandmonkey @ 2:36 pm
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