Stuff you should read

Natalie Portman, on video, saying “Kus Omak”

Posted on Friday 31 March 2006

I am in LOVE! (H/T Jeff)

The Sandmonkey @ 12:16 pm
Filed under: Babes andCool andFunny andcelebs
Shallow, clueless, moi?

Posted on Friday 31 March 2006

Apparently any arabic blogger who blogs in english is shallow, clueless, and lacking self-confidence, according to a certain arabic-writing blogger. Roba naturally tears him a new one!

The Sandmonkey @ 12:14 pm
Filed under: A.P.U. andRetardedness
88 km limit

Posted on Friday 31 March 2006

Leilouta finds out the islamic reason why women shouldn’t drive without Mehrems.

The Sandmonkey @ 12:10 pm
Filed under: Funny
Iran suffers a massive quake

Posted on Friday 31 March 2006

Oh man, my aunt must be blaming the jews right about now!

The Sandmonkey @ 12:00 pm
Filed under: Iran andRetardedness andThe JOOOZ
Withholding Judgment for now

Posted on Friday 31 March 2006

Ok, concerning this, I will be trying really hard to keep my mouth shut until she leaves Iraq and heads back to the US. I am willing to say that she said what she said because she had a gun to her head, and had to say whatever was necessary to get out. I will give her a break to collect her thoughts, relax and figure her stuff out, and see what she has to say. But honestly, if she turns out being another Giuliana Sgrena or Susanne Osthoff, I swear by all the gods in heaven that I will not join a single campaign to free a single person, especially a journalist, kidnapped in Iraq ever again, especially ones who are sympathethic to the Jihadis. Actually, when it’s another one that is sympathethic to the jihadis, I will do a “Thank-god-another-idiot-is-down” sandmonkey dance, and actively demand, advocate and call for their execution by the terrorists, because we don’t need any more idiots in this world.

But I guess that will have to wait until we hear what she will say after she leaves Iraq for that, now won’t we? I am really hoping it doesn’t come to that, and that the worry I had for this girl wasn’t just wasted and was actually another chance to give the Jihaids and CAIR a PR festival.

Yes, it’s better to wait on that one!

The Sandmonkey @ 11:54 am
Filed under: Iraq andJihady Fucks andMedia andRants
No comment

Posted on Friday 31 March 2006

Just read!

Voice in tape: How did the Mujahedeen treat you?

Jill Carroll: They treated me very well. They treated me very well, like a guest. I was given very good food, kept very safe, treated very, very well.

Voice in tape: Did you think the American Army or the CIA would save you in any time?

Carroll: I thought maybe they might. Sometimes I thought that they might come, that they might find me. They might (sic) a way to know where I am and come get me. I did think maybe they might.

Voice: Why didn’t they save you?

Carroll: Well, I think the Mujahedeen are very smart and even with all the technology and all the people the American Army has here, they still are better at knowing how to live and work here and more clever, despite all the technology of the American Army, still more clever and better at being here than the American Army, still better at what they do.

Voice: Does this mean anything?

Carroll: I think it makes it very clear, it makes very clear that the Mujahedeen are the ones who will win in the end in this war, I think it makes very clear that even with thousands of troops and airplanes and tanks and guns that that doesn’t mean anything here on the ground in Iraq as it shows over time, maybe how many months over time or however (sic) months are left in the occupation that it’s pretty clear that the Mujahedeen are the ones that will have the victory left at the end of the day. It shows that no matter no matter what Americans try to say is happening here or try to do with all their weapons, they aren’t going to be able to stay here, they’re not going to be able to stop the Mujahedeen and that’s for sure.

Voice: What will you tell the American people?

Carroll: Well, first of all I want them to be able to understand, I want them to understand the Mujahedeen, truly. There are a lot of lies to come out of the American government, calling the Mujahedeen terrorists and other things and I think it’s important that American people hear from me the Mujahedeen are only trying to defend their country. This is only a jihad to stop an illegal and dangerous and deadly occupation so I think it’s important that people see the Mujahedeen are people that we’ve seen in our entire history resisting an occupation trying to fight a foreign force in their land, it’s their country and they have a right to fight for their own freedom so I want people to understand that it’s not people that like to kill, not people that like violence but people who love their country, people who want to see their country free from an occupation and also I want them to understand that the situation in Iraq in general, how difficult it is here, people don’t have electricity, people don’t have water, children don’t have safe streets to walk in, women and children are always in danger&People are killed left and right on the streets without any reason. People die everyday from the bombings and shootings of the army and all these things. So I think people need to understand in America how difficult life is here for the normal, average Iraqis. That everyday is a matter of survival, life and death for most Iraqis and thousands and thousands and tens of thousands of Iraqis have lost their lives here because of the occupation. I think Americans need to think about that and day to day how difficult life is here, how terrifying it is for most people to live here everyday because of the occupation.

Voice: Do you have a message for Mr. Bush?

Carroll: (Laughs)Yeah, he needs to stop this war. He knows this war is wrong. He knows that it was illegal from the very beginning. He knows that it was built on a mountain of lies and I think he needs to finally admit that to the American people and make the troops go home and he doesn’t care about his own people.He doesn’t care about the people here in Iraq, he needs to wake up and the people of America need to wake up and tell that what he’s done here is wrong and so hopefully this time he can get the message that this war was wrong and the continuing occupation is wrong adn he could change his policies. He’s dangerous for Iraq. He’s dangerous for America. He needs to accept that and admit that to people.

[...]

Voice: What do you feel now that the Mujahedeen are giving you your freedom while there are still women in Abu Ghraib living in very bad (unclear)?

Carroll: Well, I feel guilty honestly. I’ve been here, treated very well, like a guest. I’ve been given good food, never, never hurt while those women are in Abu Ghraib. Terrible things are happening to them with the American soldiers are torturing them and other things I don’t want, I can’t even say, so I feel guilty and I also feels it shows the difference between the Mujahedeen and Americans, the Mujahedeen are merciful and kind that’s why I’m free and alive. The American army they aren’t […not clear…] I feel guilty and I also feel that it just shows that Mujahedeen are good people, fighting an honorable fight, a good fight while the Americans are here as an occupying force treating the people in a very, very bad way so I can’t be happy totally for my freedom, there are people still suffering in prisons and very difficult situations.

The Sandmonkey @ 7:00 am
Filed under: Assholes andIraq andJihady Fucks
Jill Carroll Freed

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

Consider this the awesome news of the day:

American reporter Jill Carroll was set free Thursday, nearly three months after she was kidnapped in a bloody ambush that killed her translator, police said. Her editor said she was “fine.”

Police Lt. Col. Falah al-Mohammedawi said Carroll, 28, was handed over to the Iraqi Islamic Party office in Amiriya, western Baghdad, by an unknown group. She was later turned over to the Americans and was believed to be in the heavily fortified Green Zone, he said.

“She was released this morning, she’s talked to her father and she’s fine,” said David Cook, Washington bureau chief of The Christian Science Monitor.

YAY! :)

Natasha has it all coverd as usual!

Update: Hmmm. Jill says her abductors have treated her well:

“I was treated well, but I don’t know why I was kidnapped,” Carroll said in a brief interview on Baghdad television.

Even though the group threatened twice in videotapes to kill her, Carroll said, “They never hit me. They never said they would hit me.”

During the interview, Carroll wore a light green Islamic headscarf and a gray Arabic robe.

“I’m just happy to be free. I want to be with my family,” she was heard to say under the Arabic voiceover.

So far so good, but I swear to god if she starts talking about how she thinks the people who kidnapped her were victims or they did it because they need schools or similar stockholm related syndrome crap, she is so on my shit-list it’s not even funny.

Update: Ok, here is a question I would like answerd: Why is she still wearing a Hijab?

The Sandmonkey @ 12:24 pm
Filed under: Iraq andMedia andSweet
10 best Accidental discoveries

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

Did anyone know that Viagra was discoverd by accident while testing for an angina drug? Me neither!

The Sandmonkey @ 11:15 am
Filed under: Cool
Hindu Cartoon controversy

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

Protest the offensive to Hindus BUSHIVA cartoon, and boycott the New York Times!

The Sandmonkey @ 11:11 am
Filed under: Bush andCartoons
Hamas MP: “Jihad is our way!”

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

They say they want peace, and then they say shit like that:

Chanting “God is Greatest” after the vote, Hamas parliamentarians hugged and kissed Ismail Haniya, their prime minister-designate, who vowed not to abandon the fight against Israel.

One Hamas MP, Hamed Bitawi, said: “The Quran is our constitution, jihad is our way, and death for the sake of God is our highest aspiration.”

And they wonder why Canada has cut their aid?

The Sandmonkey @ 11:09 am
Filed under: Israel andJihady Fucks andPalestinians
The 39 dollars experiment

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

39 dollars, 100 stamps= 100 letters to 100 companies asking for free stuff and getting it. This guy is my hero!

The Sandmonkey @ 11:03 am
Filed under: Cool andSweet
Useless news

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

A cat terrorizes a town!

The US debt clock is running out of space.

And the arab summit ends with nothing done as usual!

The Sandmonkey @ 10:59 am
Filed under: silly
You are hurting Bush’s feelings

Posted on Thursday 30 March 2006

The US envoy urges Chavez to stop using the kind of  insulting rhetoric that he uses when describing Bush (drunkard, donkey, blah blah). But the US envoy forgets that without attacking and insulting Bush, Chavez has practically nothing to say really. So Bush will just have to suck it up for a while, and really, with the world awash in Bush hate, what’s another person insulting him?

The Sandmonkey @ 10:54 am
Filed under: Assholes andBush
Canada cuts of aid to the PA

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

and becomes the first western country to officially do so. Other western countries who were afraid to seem as if they are following the US’ lead now have an excuse to cut off the aid as well. After all, Canada did it first.
What is striking about this is that it is Canada who did this. Canada. You know?
I guess the conservatives winning the elections had an effect after all.

The Sandmonkey @ 7:07 pm
Filed under: Middle East andPalestinians andPolitics andReligion
My Aunt, the Jews and the Tsunami!

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

As some of you may know, I am a big fan of conspiracy theories, especially ones started by Egyptians. In Egypt I have heard some of the craziest conspiracy theories ever, and I am actually proud of that, because it shows that we, as people, have a huge imagination, an asset that I believe remains largely untapped. I swear that if you give people here the means to, they will produce some of the world’s greatest fiction. It will be majorly anti-Semitic fiction, but hey, entertaining nonetheless.

While some conspiracy theories stand above the fray, my favorite conspiracy theorist has to be my dear crazy aunt. She is a mean and jealous woman who spent her life trying to spread misery to others, especially my mother, and why my mother hasn’t disowned her yet remains a mystery to me. But that’s besides the point.

She has been unemployed and veiled by choice for the past 6 years, opting to spend her time making her husband and kids’ life miserable, which is why they are almost never home. So, in order to pass the time, she reads lots of books, mostly of the kind that you would find in downtown Cairo street booksellers. Basically books on Koranic magic ( of the “ketab el katkoot lefak el marboot” variety), the conjuring of Jinn, how Islam is right on everything and Christians and Jews are idiots, and how the Jews are to blame for everything. The woman became infamous for her talks with family members on how the Jews control the stock market using the Kabala magic, and how, if you look very quickly to your left or right side, you could see the Jinn sitting next to you, and that the only reason Bush promoted this port deal, was because the UAE company had Jewish partners that influenced him to push it. To put it bluntly, the woman has lost her damn mind. And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that once she starts talking, she wouldn’t shut the fuck up, ever. She won’t even take bathroom breaks.

A conversation with her consists of her talking for 2 hours without you even having the chance to interrupt her, while telling you how it really works in the world and how she knows the truth on everything, and how the wicked Jews are behind it all. And you better only nod in agreement or show approval, or she would talk even more, which, trust you me, is not advisable. And don’t even think of arguing with her logically, because a) she doesn’t respond to logic, b) if you do manage to beat her in any point, she will yell at you for being an insolent young-know-nothing and remind you how you should “respect your elders”.

Needless to say, she is on top of my list of relatives to avoid, and the primary reason why I regret not having an alcohol-drinking family, because at family gatherings when she is present, I- and all of the new generation in my family- desperately yearn for a drink. But especially me, because that woman has a special place in her heart for me, because she has sported delusional fantasies for 2 decades now that I would marry her daughter, and my mom- like many middle-eastern mothers- sees nothing wrong or incest-related about that. I told my mother that I would oppose this, if for no other reason at all, because that woman is my aunt because of fate, and I accepted that as god’s cruel joke, but I will be damned if I made her my mother-in-law by choice. This had little or no effect on either’s woman’s resolve I fear, and I feel that the only way to shut them up and get that idea out of their heads at this point is to marry someone else, preferably Jewish, just to piss them off. That was the plan till very recently..

….until I heard her latest conspiracy theory.

Did any of you know that the Jews were behind the 2004 Tsunami?

No? That’s because you don’t know my aunt.

You see, the jews were not happy about their current complete and total control of all arab governments (“Read the protocols of zion, it’s all there, mr. skeptic” she would tell you if you objected) and they wanted to kill muslims in non-arab Islamic countries as well. “That’s how wicked they are”, she would interject. They apparently decided to target Islamic Asian countries, and especially Indonesia, because it’s the largest one, and figured out that the best way to do it is using nuclear weapons. But afraid of the world turning against them, they decided to be all jew-like and sneaky about it, and blow the nuclear weapons deep under the ground, thus causing artificial earthquakes that kill thousands of Indonesian muslims and their neighbors. They have done that for years no apparently, and even though those earthquakes kill non-muslims as well, none of those dying are jews, which makes it fine by them. This has been going on since the early 1990’s, she would inform your ignorant ass.

The 2004 Tsunami was a turning point for them, she informed us, because it was the first time they 1) used more than 1 nuclear weapon in creating their earthquake and-I shit you not- 2) deployed their weather-control technology, to direct the waves to Islamic countries. The plan was a great success, as we all know, as is the main reason why the Bush administration jumps when the israli government says so. Apprently the USA is now terrified of Israel’s newfound technology, which will only mean “more defeat and humiliation” of arabs and muslims everywhere on the hands of America.

Yeah!

When she told us this at my Mother’s Birthday, I remember being incredibly silent for a minute, and then I asked her “Well, if the Jews rule the world, can cause earthquakes and control the weather, ehh, why do we bother worshiping god then? I mean, you make them all god-like, we might as well worship them instead, no?”

She, of course, called me an insolent young-know-nothing.

I looked at my mom, and I realized that she was silent on the whole thing and didn’t show an opinion. My mom’s aunt, another member of the “Jews-rule-the-world” book club, was quick to second what my aunt said as “the truth”. My mom’s other aunt was quick to join in by saying that she too has apparently heard it said from scientists, and since I am no scientist, that means that they are right and I am wrong. “Don’t mind him”, my aunt said, “they brainwashed him when he was in Boston. We all know and heard about that Jewish Harlot you used to date!”

“Which one?” I wanted to ask, but decided it wasn’t a smart move at this point.

It was then and there that I decided that I will never, ever, ever, get married. Well, not as long as my mother’s side relatives are alive and part of the family that is. I mean, I was born into this family, so there is nothing I can do about it really. But it would be a cruel and unusual punishment to bring someone else into this crazy circus, let alone someone jewish. They would probably plot to kill her if anything. No need.

But yeah, the Jews are behind the Tsunami, people.

Just thought you should know!

The Sandmonkey @ 12:05 pm
Filed under: A.P.U. andOnly in Egypt andThe JOOOZ andconspiracy andpersonal
I am seeing colors

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

I looked at the solar eclipse straight ahead and now I am seeing colors and my eyes hurt. Meh.

My co-workers are preparing to do a prayer called the eclipse prayer (salat el kosoof) and are asking me to join them. First time I’ve heard of that one. I swear to god these people are making shit up!

The Sandmonkey @ 10:45 am
Filed under: Egypt andpersonal
Iran cracks down on bloggers

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

A.J.’s government is taking on the weblogistan, and they are using american commercial software to do it. It’s not looking pretty for the iranian bloggers.

The Sandmonkey @ 10:25 am
Filed under: Assholes andIran andpop culture
The Hilton sisters cartoon show

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

Oh dear god no!

The Sandmonkey @ 10:19 am
Filed under: Babes andCartoons andRetardedness andcelebs andsilly
8 year old boy accused for sexual harrassment

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

Those are some psycho school officials.

The Sandmonkey @ 10:16 am
Filed under: Assholes
Charles Taylor is arrested!

Posted on Wednesday 29 March 2006

That’s some good news!

The Sandmonkey @ 10:06 am
Filed under: Assholes