Stuff you should read

Where do we go from here?

Posted on Wednesday 5 November 2008

Watching the news channels in the US this morning, I am both amazed and amused by their inability to deal with the Obama win. It's like the old song lyrics go: "The Battle is done, and we kinda won, so we sound our victory cheer. Now tell me, where do we go from here?"

CNN is still a cornucopia of holograms and colors, with them still stressing over the number of senate and house seats whose ballots haven't been counted yet, and getting the right amount of popular votes for each candidate, because while it was important to let McCain know that he lost, it's even more important to twist the knife, because, otherwise, where is the fun in that?

MSNBC , on the other hand, has calmed down a little bit since yesterday cry-a-thon (seriously, news anchors were crying from Joy. So much for media unbiasedness), and are now getting down to the business of "Who will be in an Obama government", and arguing over every hypothetical appointee- even though Obama didn't choose anybody yet. Bush is so not mentioned anymore I think he should like bomb somebody, as if to remind the people that he is still around, and has 2 more month in office, during which he can still kind of do damage. Come on Bush, be a maverick: Bomb Vietnam or something. They will never see it coming!

A brief switch to the land of BET (that's Black Entertainment Television for you, whitey) has shown a a talk show where the host was asking a number of very well dressed Black folks what they should do to help the first black President, and one of them said that they now have to become more responsible, better husbands and wives, make sure that their kids stay in school and get an education,so that Obama can have- and I am not even kidding here- a "grassroots army of supporters" ready to come to his aid when he needs it. And that's when I switched the channel, because if you were waiting on a President from your same ethnicity to make sure your kids get an education, for no other reason than have them become soldiers for his cause, then, ehh, I don't even want you to vote. Nothing personal, You just don't sound all that well in the head to me.

And finally- and I have kept the best for last- Fox news. Oh Fox news. Watching Brit Hume yesterday referring to himself as a "Child of the civil rights movement" just made me fall off my bed and into the floor laughing my ass off. Way to Go Brother Brit. And then this morning they had Karl Rove over to explain to them what happened: The news anchor asked bewilderingly "we always thought the country was center right, is this no longer the case?", to which Karl assured him that it is the case, by stating that Obama's policies of "cutting taxes for 95% of the american population" and "not having the government in complete control of health care" are both right-wing positions, and that's what won him the election. So Obama is a right-winger now? And here I thought he was a socialist communist godless muslim. My bad. So, I guess, for all you right wing people out there, Hurray for us. One of us just became President. Let's break out the champagne.

As for Palin, my dear lovely Palin who I will miss so much (and yes, I still have a crush on her: A beauty queen who runs shit in her own state, likes having kids -i.e. screwing- and her hobbies include shooting wolves from Helicopters? I WANT THAT!! Any Junior Palin's out there? I am single, baby. Hit me up), there is nothing on her since she last appeared crying yesterday. Whether she is the future of the republican party, or the next White Oprah, we don't know, but I know that she shouldn't run in a national election again. As this father of a friend of mine said to me yesterday "Palin..good for erections..bad for elections". Wise words from a wise man, one that we all could learn from.

And last, I leave you with this average Obama Voter, who will most likely hate him once he actually has to govern the mess that is the USA today.

And if you are curious why she will hate him, just watch this video, and just wait for the day when Black voters will turn on Obama and say things like "well, you know, he is half-white!"

Until that day comes, my friends, smoke'em if you got'em.

The Sandmonkey @ 6:23 pm
Filed under: American politics andMedia
The speeches

Posted on Wednesday 5 November 2008

The McCain concession speech was gracious and classy, while his
crowd was anything but that. The McCain supporters booed hard whenever
the name of Sarah Palin was mentioned, even as she seemed visibly
shaken and in tears. While I do understand that emotions did run high
in this election, and that McCain supporters really didn't want Obama
to win at all, I also know that some humility is required, at least for
the sake of the candidate. They didn't give him that, but he still
walked out with Pride, and that's the best one can expect from him.

The Obama speech was very much an Obama speech: inspirational
overtones, moving anecdotal stories, and a "Yes we can" chant. The man
delivered to a spellbound audience that was crying half of the time. I
thought it was interesting -not to mention wise- to see bullet proof
glass erected on the sides of his podium, and that both Jesse Jackson
and Oprah were in the crowd. But damn did Jesse Jackson look angry. He
must've been thinking this whole time "It should've been me". But alas,
it's over and we now have the first Black President of the United
What a very appropriate conclusion to a very long and strange campaign.

Congratulations again Obama supporters: Your Victory was hard earned.

The Sandmonkey @ 6:46 am
Filed under: American politics

Posted on Wednesday 5 November 2008

At this point, McCain can not win this. We are now living in the age of Obama. Congratulations Obama supporters. You earned this one and won it fair and square!

The Sandmonkey @ 3:31 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Posted on Tuesday 4 November 2008

OK, what are you doing? GO OUT THERE AND VOTE!

The Sandmonkey @ 4:06 pm
Filed under: American politics
One question to annoy them all

Posted on Monday 3 November 2008

Hey, are you a dick? Do you want to annoy both Obama and McCain supporters? There is one easy, nondiscriminatory way to do it, and it's with the same question.

How to annoy an Obama supporter:

Go right to him/her and ask : "So, when was it exactly that experience no longer mattered??"

How to annoy a McCain supporter:

 Go right to him/her and ask : "So, when was it exactly that experience no longer mattered??"

They will respond with: "Good Question. I agree!"

To which you reply with; "Well, then how do you explain McCain picking Sarah Palin?"

Word of advice: Don't do this to your friends. This is a very charged election and they don;t mind throwing things at you. 

The Sandmonkey @ 5:30 pm
Filed under: American politics
Those undecided voters must be arabs!

Posted on Monday 3 November 2008

As someone born and raised in the devil’s anus known as the
middle-east, I have cultivated a very special 
outlook when it comes to politicians: they are all fake, lying,
two-faced, soul sucking cash whores (No offense to actual whores intended, of
course). It doesn’t help of course that the supreme majority of our elections
are rigged, the supreme majority of the political promises that are made are
broken and  the supreme majority of those
elected have no interest, what s ever, in actually representing the people that
voted for them. So when you talk to an arab about a political election, it’s
actually pretty common to see them saying “what’s the point? Nothing will
change”. Double goes for any US election, for that matter.

You see, traditionally arabs are more inclined to vote and
identify with republicans: They support traditional family values, no abortion
for women,  a government that stays out
of their business and against the spreading of the gay Virus by any means
necessary. This is why the overwhelming majority of arab-americans in 2000, and
the majority of arabs in the arab world, supported the candidacy of George W.
Bush when he was still running for president, and also, because they didn’t
want a Jew “a heartbeat way from the Presidency”. They thought that once Gore
was in Power, the Mossad would assassinate him and the new President Lieberman
would send US armies to occupy arab and muslim land.  So….ehhh… they voted for Bush.  Nice going there, arab world.

So it is kind of understandable, that after 8 years of Bush
rule, arabs are pretty much confused in regards to who they should support.
Their values are still republican in nature, but they also don’t want to vote
for the Party of Bush. Arabs needed hope. Someone who will rise to the occasion.
Someone who will assuage their anxiety, after 8 years of living in fear that
they might wake up and find the statues of their dictators being torn down, and
democracy getting offered to them on a silver platter. Someone who won’t make
them feel that they might be sent to Gitmo every time they have  to go through special screening at passport
control.  Someone who will show them that
he is not an enemy of the arab, muslim and tanned people. And God answered
their prayers, and gave them a Black guy with an arab name and a muslim family
background, who talked a good game and who told them- well, kind of hinted
actually- that he will be at their side, and then to prove it, went to AIPAC
and gave the elders of Zion who run it the oratory equivalent of
oral sex.

So as you can imagine, it’s hard to be not cynical about the
whole thing if you are an arab. Sure, McCain would like to return Iran to a
more peaceful stone-like age, but Obama wants to send troops to northern
Pakistan- the only muslim country with Nukes and an unstable enough population
to actually use them- and return us all to the stone age. Arabs do have hopes that Obama
is just saying that to get elected though. That in reality, if he could do it
without America watching, he would give us one of those winks Sarah Palin has
become so famous for, as if to tell us “Just kidding arab world. Just kidding!
And as for the Israel supporting stuff, I am just saying that now. Just wait
till January and we shall see about that.”

And that, in a nutshell, is how arabs are perceiving the two
choices. Their only hope , ironically, is in the belief that Obama is lying to
get elected, and that he is secretly on their side, because McCain has made it to
explicitly clear that he isn’t anywhere near it.

And they say the choice couldn’t be easier.
Ahh..decisions, decisions

The Sandmonkey @ 2:49 pm
Filed under: American politics

Posted on Sunday 2 November 2008

This post is also posted here! 

John McCain has a problem with his supporters: there is a segment that is intent on saying lots of dumb and stupid thing, no matter how much damage it could do to his campaign, in the name of "speaking truth to power". This has happened so frequently that the Maverick from Arizona is no longer taking questions from his audiences in his signature "Town hall meetings" with his supporters. Hell, he is no longer doing the Town hall thing at all anymore:

The town hall format was supposed be the Republican nominee’s favorite campaign forum, highlighting his shoot-from-the-hip style, his broad knowledge on a slew of issues and his irreverent wit. He loved it so much that he challenged Obama to a string of town hall debates.

But with their potential for amplifying unscripted outbursts and attention-diverting disasters, the microphones at high school gymnasiums and basketball arenas across the swing states have gone silent during the final stretch of the presidential campaign. McCain, a man who has prided himself on discussions with the common man, has not entertained a single question from audience members since Oct. 10, when he faced a belligerent crowd in Lakeville, Minn., that at times turned against him.

The disappearance of the town hall format from McCain’s campaign is striking, political observers said, offering a vivid example of how a signature strength became a potential liability and was abandoned. (Obama, too, has done away with the town halls, last taking questions from voters on Sept. 12 in New Hampshire.)

“The town hall format proved to be a little embarrassing for the campaign, and it built a negative picture about what this campaign is all about,” said Julian Zelizer, a professor of history and public affairs at Princeton University, adding that the encounters were “too costly.”

Over the past few weeks, McCain has replaced his beloved town halls with large rallies, press statements delivered at factories and in hotel ballrooms, “town square” stump speeches given in the center of small towns, and stops at restaurants and other local landmarks.

Cause straight talk is only allowed one way at McCain rallies, and god knows we don;t need anymore crazy people making McCain look bad. The man does have Sarah Palin as a VP after all.

But McCain is not the only one having problems with his supporters. Obama has his share of people saying stupid shit on his behalf. Take Erica Jong for example, and the crap she said to the itlaian publication Corriere Della Sera.

"The record shows that voting machines in America are rigged."

"My friends Ken Follett and Susan Cheever are extremely worried. Naomi Wolf calls me every day. Yesterday, Jane Fonda sent me an email to tell me that she cried all night and can't cure her ailing back for all the stress that has reduces her to a bundle of nerves."

"My back is also suffering from spasms, so much so that I had to see an acupuncturist and get prescriptions for Valium."

Oh no. Naomi Wolf is worried? Erica had to go to an acupuncturist? Jane Fonda is suffering back pains from stress and sleep-less nights filled with crying from the possibility that McCain might win? Quelle Horrore.

That is not all though. Not only will a McCain Presidency mean that Jane Fonda's back might never heal, it could actually spark a second american civil war. Oh yeah.

"If Obama loses it will spark the second American Civil War. Blood will run in the streets, believe me. And it's not a coincidence that President Bush recalled soldiers from Iraq for Dick Cheney to lead against American citizens in the streets."

And here we all thought he was pulling out of Iraq. That shrewd Bush. He is so smart, even thought he is "the dumbest President ever"™.

By the way, is anybody else laughing at the image of Dick Cheney leading american soldiers into battle against american citizens in the street? Why didn't she add that he would be wearing a Nazi uniform, a monocle and smoking a cigar when he is leading the SS troops while she is at it? Cause yes, a man who never went into combat and has a bad ticker is the right man to lead soldiers against the citizenry. Honestly Erica, if you are stupid enough to think this is an actual possibility, then you really did need that valium. Can I also recommend Prozac? Just a thought.

And last but not least, there is a Texas man who committed suicide , and the only thing he wrote in his suicide note was for Obama to hep his family. Now that's a believer, don't you think?

The Sandmonkey @ 5:11 am
Filed under: American politics