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In Laymen’s terms

*Location: random Irish bar on 42nd and 6th in Manhattan * Date: few days ago, around 7 pm *Who: Me and my friend K., whom I've known since college K: Ok, so you have studied all of this economic stuff. Can you please explain to me what the hell is going on and why are [...]

Obama and AIPAC

Me and Lisa on Gchat! Lisa: i'm watching Obama. he gives good speech. 5:46 PM me: yes he is very well spoken 5:47 PM Lisa: mccain's wife gives me the creeps she's so blonde and toothy and tightly wound me: u hate her cause she is pretty 5:48 PM admit it Lisa: nah me: she [...]

From the mouth of an ex state-secuirty general

"Oh, the way we treated the State Secuirty soldiers was so horrible it bordered on funny. We would keep them crammed inside those cars in the sun for hours, and then when we take them out, we start humiliating them. We would slap them, beat them, spit on them, kick them. We would pick them [...]

Next to the bed

The setting: Sequoia. The Players: Me, R. (Financial associate, MBA Student, one of the most intelligent females I know), M. (a female acting coach who also sings a mean Amy Winehouse), A. (Structural engineer who is even a worse case of "know-it-all" than me), K. ( Brilliant Architect and Designer, also one of my closest [...]

The most important thing in the world, apparently!

Me: So, how is working in Al Sharjah? Her: It's shit. I hate it. I work with the dumbest people. Me: Really? That bad? Her: You don't understand! The day after we won the african cup, I went to work all happy and excited. Egypt won, you know? And this Co-worker of mine looks at [...]

The view from Tunisia

"The country is perfect. The man in charge is hooking up the country big time. He only treats the people who don't want to work badly, but other than that he is doing a fantastic job running the country. There is work if you want to work, and you will make great money and have [...]

What she said

Me: roba Me: i have a new problem Me: i no longer have a jewish fetish Me: i have developed a Palestinian fetish Me: I need to get out of the middle-east before I develop a Libyan one Roba: hehehe Roba: thats funny Roba: a palestinian fetish doesnt sound too bad Roba: but please do [...]

Conversation:Honeymoon

* Me and cousin Y. discussing her honeymoon plans* SM: So, where are you spending your honeymoon? Y.: Asia. We are spending it in Asia. SM:Where in Asia? Phucket? Y.: Yes. We are going to Phucket. We are also thinking about going to Thailand as well. SM: (silent for a second): Ehh, excuse me? What? [...]

Conversation: Me, grouchy?

* Me, my dad, my cousin Y. and my aunt at a Family dinner today* Dad: So how are the wedding preperations? Aunt: All is going well, the dress fitting is tommorow, after which we are meeting the wedding planner to  yadayada blah blah dodododododo (apologies for not being able to transcribe all the important [...]

Overheard in Cairo

"I am starting to lose my faith in Humanity. I think i will start working on the complete extermination and eradication of the human race, and will save only like 15 people that I really like. The good news, and the reason why I am calling you, is to inform you that you are one [...]

Convo: Pockets of resistance

*Me and Dee talking on the phone yesterday, and me telling her how this has been the weirdest Ramadan ever* Me: So, is it just me, or the Infidels growing in numbers in Egypt? Dee: Oh my God it's not just you. They are everywhere in MSA* now. Me: Really? Dee: Yeah. It's like a [...]

Disappointed

Chatting with some kids from Arcadia University earlier, I could of sworn I was in a meeting of Kefaya or some other lodge of leftist Arab opposition, not with a bunch of kids who grew up in Philly. The rhetoric they used was pretty much anti American, talking about how the US needs to respect [...]

On Flings

Sam says: we will see B says: well good luck Sam says: ehh Sam says: listen B says: i badly need a fling B says: yes.. B says: listening… Sam says: there is no luck in that shit Sam says: it sucks Sam says: and its stupid Sam says: and its alot of bullshit B [...]

Conversation: What about Iraq?

(Me, BP and Moe from ITM in a car yesterday) BP: Hey, check this sign out. That one on the mosque! ITM (reading it): Support your brothers in Lebanon and Palestine by donating blood. Hmm..  BP: You notice that they keep putting those 2 together now? Plaestine and Lebanon, Lebanon and Palestine. SM: Howcome there [...]

On the Sanctity of the Dead

*This conversation took place today between me and my grandmother*  Me: Hey Granny, I have a question for you. GM: Yes, sweetie, what is it? Me: Well, ok. Do you remember if the Newspapers used to show the pictures of egyptians who died on the hands of Israel in the 50's and 60's? GM: What? [...]

Reactions to snapshot # 2

When I told this story, the following responses were made:  "Well, why the fuck would he re-appear then? The dude is chilling in his cave, and has his milk on his left, and the honey as his right, so why would he bother to do shit or deal with this crap?" A friend of a [...]

Heaven can wait…

(Me and S. Today)  S: Why is it that whenever one of our co-workers implores you to do something islamic "so you can go to heaven", you tell them that you don't want to go to heaven?  Me: Well, because I mean it. I have no interest what so ever in entering islamic heaven. It's [...]

Positive Nubian Re-Enforcement!

*Yesterday * Me: Don't you find it a little fucked up, you know, our obsession with whiteness? S: Whatchu mean? Me: We have this view that the whiter the person the better. Like those Whitening cremes they advertize on TV. WTF is up with that? S: I know. I guess there is a market for [...]

10 a.m. meeting

We had a 10 am meeting today to discuss the formation of this new company that we, well, intend to form. The meeting comprises of me, my colleauges S. and W., the head of investments E. and our Investment Guru, Mr. L., the man, the legend, and a few other insignificant nodding heads. Mr. L. [...]

On having technically-challanged parents

*Today. 8:15 am. I am sleeping on my new comfy mattress and am awakend by the unholy sound of my cell Phone ringing. Groggingly I reach for the phone* Mom: Sam, you up? Sam: It's 8 in the morning on a SATURDAY. Mom: Can you open your eyes? This is important!  Sam: Yes, Yes. I am [...]